It was about 2 summers ago, I woke up quickly without tiredness, laying on my back staring into darkness. It was my first night staying in the cabin at Heber Valley for a church camp. I was reminded of where I was when I realized the cold wooden bunk surrounding me. The street light outside started to gleam through the blinds as my eyes adjusted. The quick awakening was not pleasant considering the condition my stomach was in. I felt as if my insides were going to backfire and my throat was about to experience some acidic burns. My mind was wide awake seeing as I had just blinked my eyes open seconds ago. All of my thoughts were feeling chaotic as they rushed around my head confusing me. I was experiencing photographic flashes of my sisters, one of which was at the camp with me. The week prior to this camp, I watched my best friend experience tragedy as she dealt with the loss of her twin sister. The uncomfortable pain I had felt throughout the ongoing empathy process for her and her family was coming back in that moment. I was confused as to why I was thinking of all this at midnight. I forced my body aches to disappear in fear that I would wake anyone. I don’t remember falling asleep but I believe I was only gone for less than 10 minutes before I was awaken again.
This time, I heard someone whispering my name. The voice’s volume raised as I came out of my sleep. It was much more difficult and even more confusing than the first time. My body weight was shifted to my left side so when I opened my eyes, the blurry image of my friend’s face was right in front of me. She noticed I was awake and told me my sister had fallen and hit her head. I became quickly panicked but also still in a baffled state. I hobbled down the ladder until I felt the frigid concrete on my feet. My sister was staying just next door. I saw my sister laying on the floor with her head cradled in my leader’s lap. It was explained to me that my sister, Sylvie, had jumped from the top, head first, into the concrete as if she were in a dream while doing so. Sylvie still appeared to be dreaming because she was most certainly not “all there.” She was screaming up and down and pushing people away. It was impossible for anyone to get control of her. I know she had no consciousness of anything going on and appeared to still be inside of this dream. I think her world in that moment was just purely black while she experienced the unbearable and excruciating pain.
The night was full of great fear and numbness. Although as a whole, it was quite a blur, there are bits and pieces I haven’t forgotten. Sylvie and I, and everyone else, were up on a mountain with no medical help great enough to save this situation. Our drive to the bottom of the valley was never-ending. Sylvie was eventually life flighted to Primary Children’s. No one had anticipated this emotional night, just like no one ever does when it comes to a tragedy. I always assumed I would be reckless and the farthest thing from helpful in personal tragedy. I shocked myself in this case. Looking back on all the details of the night, I realized this strength within me that had come out at the most crucial time. I didn’t feel alone although someone would if they were in my shoes. I felt lifted as if I were being carried in a metaphorical sense. I gave all my strength to my sister and someone else was giving me theirs—perhaps a higher power. Because of the turmoil on my first approach to her, I was oblivious to my audience.
An entire cabin of young girls and several adults watched as I put forth all effort to bring peace to my sister. I realized the state I was in was much more than the front I put up. The tears streaming down my face were all I was capable of as I fulfilled my duty as a sister/example. Around dawn, my parents and I sat in the hallway of Primary Children’s awaiting news that could change our world. A social worker hovered us talking nonsense that I didn’t want to hear. It wasn’t until later I came to understand she was only distracting me for the benefit of my emotions to the outcome of possible news. My sister had a skull fracture, mid-line shift of the brain right to left, swelling, bleeding, bruising on all surfaces of the brain. She experienced on and off loss of eyesight and couldn’t put together sentences that made sense. 3 days of my sisters world were taken from her memory forever. Sylvie is our miracle. At the time, we had no idea her recovery would be so flawless compared to the standard recovery of the condition.
Considering this tragic event happened only the first night of our camp, all continued for the people still there. I was asked by someone with higher authority if I would do them a favor by visiting everyone again to assure Sylvie’s safety and recovery. In all honesty, going back up was one of the worst decisions I have ever made for myself. I accepted that what I was doing was for the sake of others. People were talking and asking with worry and my appearance reassured them all was going to be okay. Years later, I wonder with every thought why this happened? For who’s sake could this have benefited at all? I know everything happens for a reason and sometimes I realize that this tragedy was to teach me a big lesson. Regardless of the actual purpose for everything, I had a huge responsibility to myself more than anything. I was to remember these events when I felt small or weak—I could take on scary and difficult situations with strength and courage. Not only was I responsible to the people surrounding me who also cared for Sylvie and my family, but my perspective on life and taking it all for granted. I believe in the face of human tragedy, I can aide in the reconciling, reconstruction, and emotional rehabilitation for everyone to the best of my abilities. Humans are simply humans who are naturally effected by disturbing events. Weeks after, I still found opportunities to give questioning people words of solace and a happy ending—every person’s ideal.
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